Won't you be my neighbor?

Found this over at The Daily Dish and thought it was really cool. My younger brother (the future Governor of Minnesota) once made an argument like this which I found compelling. The American population could sustainably live in a space-efficient, small area. We do not have a population problem in this country. That's not to say we couldn't manage our land, resources, and waste-disposal more wisely, just that we're not yet in crisis.

But let's be honest, who really wants to live in such close quarters with all our American brothers and sisters...

One Day

I've never been a horse person, yet for some reason I have a major desire to one day witness wild horses galloping across an expanse of depressed land. I want to see their matted hair struggle in the wind and their muscles ripple in wild animal ecstasy.

And perhaps it is for this reason that I love this:

Listen to: Ray Lamontagne's All The Wild Horses

Image/Sculpture by Sayaka Kajita Ganz

The boy was placed on suicide watch after an afternoon visit to the counseling center where, with glassy eyes, he told a woman in a cardigan that he was thinking that he just didn't want to live anymore.

"What is prompting you to think this way," she asked as she played with a pen cap in her left hand.

"I just don't want to be here anymore. It's always the same. I have the same conversations with the same people every day. Sometimes I don't think it would be so bad if I got hit by a bus while jaywalking."

She listened as he continued to talk. She asked about his plans, his goals. His sentences were disconnected and his eyebrows were bunched together. He had an inflamed pimple on his left temple and his cuticles were ragged and scabbed. After twenty minutes, she led him to the door and told him to come back if he wanted to talk later.

The RD called T that evening, told her there was a resident on the ninth floor who needed to be checked on periodically. Suicide prevention was above her pay-grade (not that she got paid to RA), but she went to the ninth floor anyway, knocked on the door to 9-13 and asked to see him. Like any other boy, he was on his computer when she came in . She introduced herself, gave him a limp handshake. "I just came to check-in, to see how you're doing," she said, unsure and hoping not to offend him. He nodded and looked at the floor. "There are a lot of people who are worried about you," she offered.

This prompted a response. He looked up quickly, scared, "Have you told my parents?"

"No, should we?" He shook his head. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Don't. My mom, she'd freak out. She'd start crying and wouldn't leave me alone. And my dad, he's a good man. He's busy. He'd get worried and distracted. I won't bother them. Don't bother them."

"But do you think they should know?"

"They'll know if I do it. But I probably won't. Not now, anyway. So what's the point?"

"Is there anyone you think we should tell? A sibling, a friend? Is there someone you know who could help you deal with your, uh, your emotions right now?"

"Oh, there are people I could call. But it's a Friday night. I don't want to bother them."

T stood next to his unmade bed, looked at his dirty clothes piled in the corner, his muddy shoes, the curling edges of his Weezer poster. If she were to kill herself, she wouldn't leave a mess.

"Do you have any plans for the evening?" she asked, remembering back to her training. Always ask a suicidal person if they have plans. If they don't, get them help (but wasn't that what she was doing- helping?).

"I'll probably do some laundry," he said, "Maybe get some pizza." He didn't look up again for almost an entire minute. "You can go. You don't have to just sit and watch me."

"I'll be back in an hour," she said on her way out.

"Don't worry if I'm gone." He turned back to his computer and she closed the door.

She was afraid he actually would be gone when she knocked on the door an hour later. What would she do if a boy she'd hardly just met killed himself on her watch?

He opened the door after the third knock, his laundry was still on the floor. "Surprise," he said, "I'm alive." But with no one for him to reach out to, she hardly believed it.

Tax Season

It's strange to think of life in terms of being taxed, but living is fundamentally a taxing process. It's a matter of finding a balance between what we give and what we take, what we're emotionally, physically and monetarily able to afford, and how we choose to spend our excess. We are given a lump sum of happiness and distribute it in ways that bring some people pain and others joy. We are a burdened species.

As the struggles of our political system suggest, this world is not black and white. There are marshes of grey matter that we must wade through continuously as we navigate through our personal challenges and ultimately find a way to a place we call Contentment, Happiness, Peace. For me, I can't imagine going to sleep at night without knowing there is a God in heaven who loves me enough to give me free will. A God who controls the will of his people-whether it be for good or bad- is a dictator. Time and again I am thankful for the pain, creativity, love and joy around me because God is not a dictator. He can advise and impact my decisions, but he has no more control over them than anyone else. In everything, I must take full responsibility.

I've always been taken by stories of struggle and redemption, of temptation and acceptance- of ultimate love. In East of Eden, John Steinbeck has a beautiful passage on free will and the word Timshel, which is Hebrew for though mayest, which God used to give man full autonomy over his actions. It's important we live informed lives, make informed decisions, understand the complications of our actions. Sometimes, those decisions go against our better judgment, will be seen as compromises of various ideals, but sometimes those same decisions will work to inform the way we live later in our lives. A wonderful friend recently emailed me some information on human brain development that explores the way in which the adult mind is constantly developing. We never stop learning (unless, I suppose, we want to), and each day, each struggle, is another detail in our individual human case study.

"There's more beauty in the truth even if it is dreadful beauty." - East of Eden

Like with all things that operate on a polarized scale, often the hardest place to be is in the middle. I asked a friend via text, "Over-thinking: Detrimental or imperative to living a fulfilled life?" I firmly believe it's imperative, but wouldn't it be great sometimes if it weren't?

"Only Boring Games are Bored" -Betty Draper, I think

I went out to Petit Robert Bistro with some creative professionals last night- the kind of people who get to swear a lot with their clients and show up to the office in stretch pants and mismatches accessories. One woman in our company mentioned that she and her husband had been thinking about buying a board game to keep them from spending every night out at a bar, and went on to say that they'd read interesting things about Settlers of Catan. At the sound of that name I light up like a dried out Christmas tree doused in gasoline as I sang its praises.

My friends and I started playing Settlers of Catan our sophomore year of college, and while it won't completely abate your drinking, it will move it to a more cost effective venue (namely your living room) where your bed is jut down the hall.

My charmed life is about to get charmier

I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am that my roommate has finally learned to consistently refill the ice trays! There is nothing more disappointing than pouring a drink only to find that the only thing frozen in the freezer is the edamame I bought last July.

I'm also incredibly happy because the rest of this week is going to be beautiful. Here are the things I'm most looking forward to as the weather warms and the days get longer:

• Long walks with my pipe through Boston's various green spaces
• Lying on the grass and looking up at the sky through chlorophyll enriched leaves- the contrast between green and blue is so absolutely heavenly!
• Sidewalk cafes
• Drinking minty mojitos at sidewalk cafes and getting a suntan while I'm doing it
• Dresses, light jackets, and summer footwear
• Sunday mornings at the SoWa market
• Sleeping with all the windows open
• Grilling/grilled foods (chicken, burgers, peaches, zucchini, pizza, tomatoes, etc.)
• That pleasant evening air that isn't quite hot but isn't cold either... it's just perfect
• Driving with the windows down
• Reading in the sunshine

The list could go on and on and on, but I'll stop before I get too caught up in daydreaming about the next couple months. But it's quite nice, daydreaming- especially when the weather is crap and you've been sitting in wet boots all day...

Fantastically Lazy

I haven't done anything even remotely interesting today besides watch the second episode of Jazz: A Film by Ken Burns.

It was wonderful, having nothing to do, but only until about 3:00, and then I started to get restless. If it weren't so miserable outside I'd go for a walk, but seeing as that is really not an option, I'm going to pour myself a glass of whiskey, crawl into bed and employ my mind in something worthwhile.

Before I loll off to bed, I'd like to share with you another one of my very talented friends: a Minnesotan displaced in New York who's making charming knitwear just for you- Black Capped Crafts.

Who wouldn't want a giant tundra cowl to help one get through this gusting spring? She makes customized pieces as well, so check out the etsy shop and get some comfy, chunky wool!