In this year of our Lord, 2010, it has come to my attention that the necktie is being horribly abused. No longer does it adorn the necks of our best and brightest, adding a pop of color and style to their business ensembles. Instead, it hangs limp like a bouquet of wilted flowers on the necks of those whose occupations seem to make the idea of tying a noose around their collar more appealing than a piece of attractive fabric.
These artless tie-wearing employees consist of the following:
- Waiters and (even worse) waitresses, whose ties spill down the front of their ill-fitting white dress shirts alongside coffee and ketchup stains. Ugh.
- Flight attendants. They used to be hot, but I wasn't alive then. Now, they look tired, underpaid and wrinkled.
- MBTA employees (why? why?! why?!?)
(Charlie is sadly the best-dressed MBTA employee)
- Clowns. O,MG!
(Image found here)
- Fast Food Employees. I don't eat fast food, so I can't say for certain which chains make their sixteen year-old slaves wear greasy neckties, but I know they exist. And the ties are probably clip-ons.
- Evgeni Plushenko. I don't care who designed it- figure skating outfits are always wretched, which isn't to say I don't love them, because I do. It's just that I would never encourage anyone to wear them, no matter how perfectly sculpted their body. Pictures aren't up yet, but I assure you that Plushenko's sequins tie and vest applique was a big-time no-no.
Please, dear readers, wear your neckties with purpose and pride! Wear them on the weekend as well as the workweek! They serve to center your face and add personality to that gray suit you bought because it seemed practical. Don't look like you're constantly dressing for Casual Friday no matter how lax your office dress code; you'll do better work in a tie, and look and feel better, too. I promise! Wear your tie with pride! Wear your tie, now!
P.S. I'm sure to be missing many occupations that degrade the state of the necktie, so please let me know of those I've missed.
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